Harnessing Anxiousness and Transforming Nervous Energy into Opportunities for Growth
By Sarah Stevenson, MA, RYT, CLC- The Tini Yogini
“We have no reason to harbor any mistrust against our world, for it is not against us. If it has terrors, they are our terrors; if it has abysses, these abysses belong to us; if there are dangers, we must try to love them.”
-Rainer Maria Rilke
I have come across several clients lately that ask me if it is possible to overcome fear and anxiety. I personally do not believe that you can fully “cure” an anxious disposition, but I do believe there is a way to turn fear into courage. I have spent years teaching myself and others how to transform fearful mindset into a growth mindset, which completely changes the way one looks at things (Bannick, 2014).
Nighttime was absolutely dreadful for me growing up. I was one of the little ones who would make every excuse known to man to avoid going to sleep. I always made several trips to the bathroom, needed water for my parched throat and even occasionally woke my parents for lunch money for the next day. I was terrified of what lurked around in the dark and I was certain once the lights went out and everyone went to bed, I would be eaten alive. As I grew older my fear of child-eating monsters disappeared. Now I love the dark. In fact, I can’t sleep unless it is pitch trip-over-my-shoes-on-the way-to-the-bathroom black. This is an example of growing out of your fears that is brought on by years of experience that monsters do not lurk under your bed.
This concept of growing out of our fears is very liberating. When you look at the example of being afraid of the dark, you can see that night is night no matter how you turn it. A child’s mind is filled with sometimes very silly fears that dissipate as they live on and realize that those monsters don’t really exist. There are ways that children can be liberated from these fears even while still being a child.
I love the children’s book “Where the Wild Things Are” by Maurice Sendak (2000). It is a story about a little boy who comes from a broken home and is continually getting in trouble. The young boy is viewed as a “bad kid” because he is persistently acting out with inappropriate behaviors due to not knowing how to cope with life challenges. He then goes into a dream state where he is introduced to each and every one of his inappropriate behaviors that disguise themselves as frightening monsters. He gets to know each one personally and learns to love them all. He discovers that they act out when they are afraid or hurt. When he nurtures them and lets them know they are safe they relax and become quite charming. This is a fictional story that can teach us so much about how to help not only our children’s fears, but maybe even a few debilitating beliefs that hold us back from living a courageous adult life. The very things that scare us have within them the material to make us loving, courageous heroes. When we come to our fears with love, bravery, and understanding we begin to make peace with them.
Our job as humans, is to acquaint ourselves with these monsters/fears. We must name them, know them and work with them in order to be free from them. I have a created a formula for this process:
“Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.”
~Rainer Maria Rilke
As a behavior therapist I offer your children the ability to become aware of how fear feels, the aptitude to name the fear, recognize the ways they avoid fear, identify messages attached to the fears and how to cope and learn from each one. With this “Freedom From Fear” technique your child will gain a growth mindset that will empower them to face obstacles and challenges with conscious awareness which ultimately will lead to their many successes in life (Ng, 2018). If your child is struggling with debilitating fear or anxiety don’t hesitate to reach out to The Loop Speech, Language and Learning and set up your sessions today to make a lasting difference that will positively affect the rest of their life.
The Tini Yogini 